Andruw Jones: Fat, Sassy, and Jobless

Two days ago, 790 The Zone's morning show had John Smoltz in studio for over an hour. He eloquently talked about switching teams, his career with the Braves, his future living in Atlanta, and how many teams he'd hit Chipper Jones should they have a showdown (2). After he left and did his rounds with the press, the show expected to bring on former Braves center fielder Andruw Jones. He never called in. The crew actually explained that it was typical Andruw, forgeting about the interview. So yesterday comes around and once again they have Andruw lined up, ready to answer questions about his impending release from the Dodgers (which happened last night) and whether he'd be excited to come back to the Braves. What happened next may have still been typical Andruw.

Listening to the interview, I was forced to imagine a very particular setting in which Andruw was talking. Its midtown Atlanta. Andruw, shirtless and on his back, had passed out on the floor of his favorite gentleman's club. The dancers, ready to head home to their children at 4am, left their used towels piled on Andruw's gelatinous belly. You know, for warmth. As the juices and diseases began to form wonderful new viruses and bacteria that won't be uncovered for decades, 10am rolls around and his phone rings, across the room, still in his coat pocket. Crawling to the VIP booth in the corner, Andruw leaves a trail of diseased towels in his wake. He answers the phone, and its the producer for 790's Mayhem in the AM. "Time for that interview, Andruw!" Interview? Me? Okay sure, he thinks. Clearly not remembering his commitment. Once on air... Andruw seems to go in and out, vaguely remembering not only that he's being interviewed, but that he can speak the English language.

Listen for yourself. HERE.
And ask yourself, is this mess of a player really worth bringing back? Even for the bare minimum salary? You tell me.