Jonesin' for a GM With Balls

Its December! Two months from two weeks from this past Sunday, pitchers and catchers report! That means Brian McCann! Jair Jurrjens! Jorge Campillo! and .... aaaand....... no one else! Meanwhile the Cubs bring back the best starting rotation in baseball! The Padres still have Peavy. Mike Hampton just took a pay cut to go back to Houston! Houston!! So where's Frank Wren? Where's Franky boy, and what has he done with all of my hopes and dreams for a future where the Braves lose less than 90 games?! As of today our starting rotation is non-existent.

Right now our rotation would be what? Jurrjens, Campillo, Morton? Reyes? PARR?? Not one of these young'ns was projected to start, make the team, play any role for our team LAST SEASON. Not one of them. Now while Jurrjens is a bonified stud, he's not a number one ace! Not yet! So what's Frank Wren going to do to address any of the issues facing this desparate squad? I have ideas! I have plenty of ideas!! Like how, I don't know, maybe we should have closed the deal with Peavy. Maybe be aggressive and just get the players you want! You don't see the Yankees gripping tightly to their buckets of cash! Now I hope he proves me wrong. I hope two, three weeks from now I'm eating my words in a delicious sandwich with pickles, mayo and two types of pastrami. I hope I wake up on Christmas morn with a Peavy, Burnett, Furcal and a left-fielder under the tree! But even if I did awaken to such pleasurable news. We'd still have only four starters. I say Tommy Hanson is now under the gun to make this Spring count... and come into the season as the fifth starter. Or maybe the number three starter. He's that friggin good. Without him emerging we're stuck with getting some past-his-prime veteran or an overrated potential-filled rookie to just eat innings until Hanson is brought up! So here's what we do. First we break AJ Burnett's elbow since he'll probably hurt it anyway and this way the Braves won't sink a bunch of money into a highly talented (but highly fragile) pitcher again. Next we tell Padres GM Kevin Towers to stop making out with the Cubs because the Braves will let you get to third base on the first date. Give us Jake Peavy, give him to us now, you're screwing up our entire offseason you greedy, sneaky bastard coward. Finally, after trading for Peavy and signing Rafael Furcal and Raul Ibanez, we offer everything else we have for Derek Lowe. Boston wants him. I don't care what other teams might have interest, and, true, Boston expresses 'interest' in EVERYONE, despite having a nearly perfect roster as it is, but if Boston bids for him, we have to outbid them. Be aggressive, sign Lowe. He's an ace. He's a postseason stud. He's just like Tim Hudson. And he's just old enough so that you don't have to give him 6-8 years.. 3-4 should do just fine. So for the love of God, Mr. Wren. Help this team regain the respect John Schuerholz built up over a decade and a half, and give the Mets and Phillies to beating they so rightly deserve.